play animal crossing every day for three weeks. miss one day. don’t play animal crossing again for five months.
i was in a store today looking at toilet seat covers. a whole wall of toilet seat covers. i ended up getting this one that was described with the word “whisper” because you can’t drop the lid, it just slowly and gently descends. i like that though because it suggests all regular toilets have screaming toilet seat covers.
my flight was cancelled last night so i’m stuck in new york for an extra day and a half. it’s weird, like i’m in a limbo version of the city. everything’s the same, but i feel like i’m trespassing in my own life. like i’m a version of me from another universe living out of a suitcase in my bedroom trying to unpack as little as possible before i have to go again. eleni is still on vacation and it’s lonely. do you ever sit back and think about how small your life is. not like how small you are in the universe, just how small your entire life currently is.
i went to go buy a pillow to kill time. i think when you’re little you grow up with pillows and you just think those are the pillows. like there were a certain amount when the earth was formed and here they are. it’s kind of a weird feeling knowing you can just buy more. how many pillows does a person need? they’re way cheaper than i thought too. i usually have two, now that makes me feel like i’m not living life to the fullest.
after i got the pillows i was sitting on the subway, i had to go like a billion stops and the bags were huge so even though it was crowded me sitting was pretty much justified. it was kind of a thrill actually, seeing people get on and make eye contact with me. i could almost see them think, “he gets to sit down? i mean i guess he has those giant bags…i guess i have no case against him.” and i’d be like, “hell yeah, let the pillows rest, man.” i almost like riding the train for a really long time while sitting in the same spot. you feel a kinship with the other people going the same distance as you. i felt like i had an identity, young pillow guy. hey is young pillow guy still on the train? oh yeah, there he is. right on, pillow guy. when i got up to leave i turned around and wanted to wave goodbye, have them all applaud. who would they really be rooting for? me or the pillows?
walking home after the subway i passed a cab and thought about what it’d be like if people got into taxis and went, “yeah can we go to…” doesn’t that sound weirdly nice? “can we go to the airport?” “can we go to brooklyn?”
i was standing across from this really rough looking guy on the subway today and feeling kind of intimidated when i noticed he was holding an umbrella and all of a sudden he didn’t seem that tough. it’s hard to look rough and scary and also take precautionary measures against getting wet.
*waiting for the subway to stop so i can grab a seat* “i’m sitting down, i’m going to sit down and i don’t care who else is in the car. i’m going to snag any seat i can find. i’ve been on my feet for 11 hours, i’m exhausted, i deserve to sit down. i’m more tired right now than any old person, that’s just the truth. who cares how it looks, a young guy sitting down, i need to. what are old people even doing on this train? where are you going? stay home!”
*train stops, one seat opens up and is immediately filled by a guy my age* “who the- what the FUCK?? what kind of slime creature are you? are you the fucking devil? you think you deserve to sit down? look at that old lady! you think you deserve to sit down more than that old lady? she’s dying right in front of you! you snake! you serpentine demon! you better be taking this train to god damn one thousand and third street, pal. if you’re sitting for less than three stops i’m going to lose it. can anyone believe this guy? if he’s riding this train for less than me and he needed to sit down- if his majesty needed to sit down i’m going to lose it!”
i wanted a root beer float, but i didn’t want to clean up the gross root beer float glass at the end so right now i’m taking little spoonfuls of ice cream, holding the ice cream in my mouth, and then sipping root beer to sort of build it as i go, and let me tell you, not only is it not the same, i’m miserable.
i think my favorite invention is that switch on some vacuums that you press down and it retracts the cord automatically. that blew my mind the first time i saw it because before you know it exists it’s such an invention that you invent in your head as you wind the cord back up by hand, but seems too on the nose to ever be real. you’re like, “a button that just sucks the cord up for me? it’d be perfect, but it’s too cartoonish. it’s like something a nine year old would add on. it’s like a person from 1956’s idea of a year 2000 vacuum.” to me the retractable cord button is a better invention than just wireless vacuums.
my mom is really into these red bean paste pastries that she can never find in florida so she sent me all the way into queens looking for them to bring down. when i finally got to the place i loaded up a duffle bag full of them and then got like four other red bean based things for good measure. on my way back i kind of really wanted someone to rob me, just so they could take the bag home, open it up, and find themself elbow deep in red been baked goods.
do you ever curl one heavy bag of groceries once and then stop because you think everyone in the subway car is totally onto you.
i don’t think i was ever meant to be in contact with like more than two people. before i started working i think the only people i talked to on a regular basis were my girlfriend and my mom. now like five coworkers have been added to the list and every other sentence out of my mouth is, “did we talk about this already? or was that with someone else?” who can keep track of all this small talk.
i was talking to my mom about my flight and i told her about how the airport shuttle i scheduled can only pick me up at 12:30am for my 6:30am flight and she went, “why don’t you just call a taxi?” and i don’t know why it would have never occurred to me to do that. i remember scheduling the pick up, looking at the time, thinking, “wow, that’s going to be weird,” and then just going through with it anyways. i didn’t know how to explain to her how quickly i just accepted sitting around an airport for hours. i told her, “i don’t know, i’ll get something to eat.” like that’s a quick four hours right there. i guess i’ve just never had to say out loud, “oh, mom, no, you don’t get it. it doesn’t bother me because i…don’t value my time, like, at all. six hours here, six hours there, that might bother a person with things to do, it’s just a little more off the top for me.”
i’m feeling kind of down and i think it’s because last night i pulled out the pull out couch to watch a movie and i never put it back in. i think that if a pull out couch stays pulled out for too long it starts to take over the room like a depressing creeping moss. like, look there’s a food delivery bag in there and i didn’t even order food. it generates sad trash. there are a bunch of chargers strewn around in there, it’s like a nest.
having dark skin is great because i could literally color my teeth in with a yellow highlighter and people would still be like, “your teeth are so white.” who needs whitening strips when you have optical illusions.