it’s strange to think about how everyone has ancestors who were around in like, 1460, you know? and that goes for animals too. like every animal had to come from other animals who came from other animals, and all that stuff goes back, well i guess all the way. i was thinking about when people have a dog they really love, how that dog has like a great-great-great-great grandmother dog, and humans probably owned it. then those humans had kids, and humans live longer than dogs, so, i don’t know the exact ratios to get to modern day time, it’d be like, great-great grand kids, anyways, would you feel any connection to the great-great grand kids of your beloved dog’s great-great-great-great grand mother’s owner? do you think in small communities anyone’s ever married back into their dog’s ancestor’s past owner’s family unknowingly? knowingly?
i have a really uneasy feeling i can’t really place. it feels like my soul is wearing a sweater under a jacket and that thing is happening where only the sleeve of the sweater gets rolled up.
when i was a kid, trying to freeze a bubble was always something i was into. whenever i had a bubble wand and the liquid i’d try like, opening the freezer and blowing them in and closing the door, balancing one on the wand and putting it in the freezer gently, nothing worked. and i only ever had bubble stuff in the summer, you know? it wasn’t a winter object. bubble stuff just disappeared december through march. faded in and out of existence, no overlap to do outside freezing. anyways it’s weird now, how i’ve seen countless gifs and videos of bubbles freezing online. like here’s this thing that perplexed me as a little kid, i just wanted to know what the hell a frozen bubble looked like, how it happened. it was some huge mystery and now i’ve seen it so many times it’s bland as hell.
from what can only be described as a nightmarish first day of work, one thing stuck with me. i’m standing at a sink getting instructions from this guy when a girl who works at the place walks up. she opens her arms wide and starts to go in for a hug. i’m confused, but i have no idea how things work around here, so i roll with it. she makes eye contact with me and smiles and i smile back. i almost raise my hands above my waist. i almost lean forward and wrap my arms around her. i almost hug this girl who, believe it or not, isn’t trying to hug a stranger for no reason, but is rather reaching for a pan hanging on a hook because she works in a restaurant and i am insane and almost hugged a random person trying to do their job while i was in mid conversation with someone else who was trying to explain my job. the fact that i almost did it. that i was seconds away from completing this hug, but didn’t. it’s divine intervention. an otherworldly force reached through time and space and went, “oh, kid, don’t do it. for crying out loud.” i have a new lease on life.
you know, i think for me the first time i was ever in the zone was when i was a baby and i figured out that i controlled my hands. i was like, “hold up, this is me? this, is me? alright, hey, don’t bother me for a second, i’m onto something big, i’m in the zone here.” yeah, ever since then i think my life has just been moments between getting back in the zone. i’m not even in the zone now, man. is it ever going to happen again? you have to believe. you have to just know it’s going to happen.
gotta love subway psa’s that boil down to, “a reminder that darkness exists within all people. are you even safe when you are alone? never! also, don’t lean on anything.”
i had to buy non slip kitchen shoes the other day for work. their exact words were actually just, “kitchen appropriate footwear.” i want to be the only guy in the kitchen flying on roller skates. dancing to a beat no one else can hear, balancing fifty trays of meat in each hand. i slip and crash once, but that’s the only time it’s ever going to happen, i swear. yeah either roller skates or tap shoes. “tap shoes guy” has a nice ring to it.
sometimes i drink this protein shake mix in the morning as like a liquid breakfast. you’re technically supposed to work out and then drink it, but i don’t know. it’s so much easier to do the part of the workout that’s “eat something.” it’s chocolate flavored and the tub says to mix it with water but i always mix it with milk so it tastes better. i was drinking it the other day and i thought, “i wonder why they don’t have like a hot chocolate direction on the box.” and then i realized people who just finished working out for two hours probably don’t want to chug a thick, hot mug of cocoa. then i adorned it lovingly with whipped cream and dipped a cookie in it.
kind of disappointing when you think you’re looking good and then you see yourself in a security monitor. like damn that’s the first defense against crime, shattering the confidence of people as they walk into the place.
so all the trailers and equipment from that thing they were filming left in the middle of the night and the street is completely empty again except for one car. imagine what that guy looking for parking must have thought, finding a completely empty street in nyc. he must have felt like a king. i don’t think i’d even park, it’d look too good to be true, like it’d be a trap or something. the street stays empty for days out of fear. no one parks here ever again.
oh my god. eleni went out of town and i realized why i can never be on my own. i always try and cut my own hair. oh my god. what is this need to cut my own hair? why, the second i’m on my own, do i think, “i can do this, it’d be so easy.” why don’t i learn to cook or speak spanish or something? why can’t i just read a book or do fifty sit ups?
i was in this wing place just now and my eyes were watering like crazy after walking in the cold. i started telling the woman behind the counter my order and tears just started streaming down my face. i decided i wasn’t going to take off my gloves and wipe them away or even address them because it’s winter and of course i’m not actually crying, she would know that. it’s just tears, big deal. so she asked me what drink i wanted and when i started to answer the tears just rolled right on into my mouth. and i was caught off guard, as one is when salt water begins to fill their mouth unexpectedly. and i started going like, "blugh, ugh, ahh,” and sputtering. so all of a sudden my plan to not address the tears was backfiring kind of in one of the worst ways possible. i got my food and walked out and thought, that woman just watched a guy walk into a store, start ordering, start crying, ignore the crying, and then freak out when tears got in his mouth. good. good interaction with a person.
the shittiest thing i do is probably answer the door for delivery guys in the dead of winter at night while wearing a giant fluffy robe. like every time i hear the buzzer i scramble to take it off and look less comfortable because i hate the idea of rubbing it in. i might as well be answering the door while being carried and fed grapes by two concubines. “a package? for me? should i open it in the hot tub massage bed or the orgy buffet hall? why don’t you ponder my choice as you trek through the frigid winds?” let’s be real, i don’t want grapes. they’d be feeding me handfuls of chocolate chips or something. like a goat at a petting zoo.
so i had orientation at this job today. without going into too much detail it’s grill and prep in a restaurant. real back of house stuff. anyways, man, i was being shown the place and these grill guys, i’m sure they’re the nicest people, but they read like a rough and tumble pirate crew. full sleeve tattoos, piercings, the works. they’re straight up tough. and then there’s me, a, for lack of a better word, huge nerdy ass looking weenie. the first thing i did was look at a grill and then adjust my steamed up glasses. they might as well have been held together with tape. i need to rework this whole thing. and i’m gesturing to my face and personality when i say that.
i’m starting a new job tomorrow. nothing in my field or anything. actually, that’s not a good way of looking at it. i didn’t have a job and now i have one. that’s exactly the field i wanted to be in. i had no field before. i had an idea of a field. i had a picture of a field on a postcard and i was standing in a parking lot looking around. an uncomfortable parking lot at the beach. you ever been to a beach parking lot? the only parking lot you’ll ever go to where you definitely won’t be wearing shoes at some point and it’s always the hot, sharp rock capital of the world. and you always have to climb a boardwalk to get to it. even if you’re leaving the beach, somehow you have to go up a splintery boardwalk staircase both ways. anyways, how have i changed since my last job? i came out the other end with a fear of the rich. a real uneasiness around people with money. money will rewire your brain, man. you become a different animal. then you either stir up trouble because you have nothing better to do or you become a ship in the ocean that’s so big your wake alone can capsize smaller boats.